Balance

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I was sitting in a bar in Lowell Massachusetts, The Old Worthen, now called Worthen House. I was having a beer with my good friend Brian Maloney. The Worthen is a very old bar in a very old New England town. Charles Dickens visited there. Jack Kerouac wrote there. It was so full of history and charm.Brian is a fine musician, a really gifted sole that I miss everyday. We were playing cribbage, drinking beer and smoking Marlboro Lights. Ah the good old days! I was a little down as I often am in the Fall. He looked at me as he played a killer hand of crib, and said, "You know, you have to keep your highs low and lows high. Balance is the key to happiness".

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I’m not sure how either of us has succeeded in balance in our lives. We both put off doing what we loved to do in pursuit of money, security and establishing ourselves. Was it a mistake? I’m not sure I was ready to be an artist back then. I still had a lot to learn. I still do. But Brian could sing like a bird. I can remember us sitting down to play music together. He was so good that I stopped playing and put down my guitar. I just sat there and said, "Play". He could play songs that I loved and they would sound better than the original. But music is a young man's game. I watched him wrestle with his marriage, his work and his passion. Did he wait too long? I hope not. We lost touch a few years ago. Usually I call him every year on his birthday. Last year I called and his number was out of service. I searched for a phone number or some sign he was alive. Nothing. A line in a song he wrote kept running over and over in my head, "So many people have run through my life, so much resistance, so much to fight. It took me too long to see the light".

Sandbanks Beach - Click to view larger

Whenever I feel down I think of that night in the bar. It was a cold, rainy night just like tonight. My friend made the time tolerable and fun. Balance? I don’t know much about balance even today. But I do know more about following my passions. I've learned a lot from the people around me. I've watched people struggle, make mistakes and carry on through the good and rough times.

I don’t have many close friends. Maybe I'm too selective or maybe it's some terrible character flaw. In the Fall, I struggle with the rain and the darkness. But I remember some wonderful people who have run through my life and how they have shaped who I am. I feel so lucky to have what I have. I feel pain and joy. I feel sad and happy. I remember a good friend teaching me to go for what you love, even if he couldn’t.

Keep your lows high and your highs low. Hope you are playing a bar somewhere warm Brian. By the way, I'm way better at crib now. Up for a beer at the Worthen?

Have I Created My Best Image?

Can you imagine, you are 36 years old and you have landed and walked on the moon? How do you follow that? Would you experience anything as exciting or significant ever again? Astronaut Charlie Duke was the youngest person to land on the moon and has led an active productive life since, but I wonder if he sometimes looks up and longs for that day.When it comes to photography, it is possible and I’m even sure common for great images to be produced at the beginning, middle, and end of your career. Yes for me it is getting a little uncomfortable crawling out of a tent in cold wet conditions. But I’m still young enough to be out there working. I still enjoy the changing light. Still enjoy seeing and looking. Ansel Adams did most of his greatest work before he was 40. Not that the later stuff wasn’t great. It just didn’t have the same energy for me. I think Ansel spent the later part of his career becoming a master printer. He reworked his images in the dark room and expressed the images differently over time. Ansel was a concert pianist and often expressed photography in terms of music. He felt the negative was the score, and the print was the performance. Ansel Adams followed up his walk on the moon with a space walk. Both periods of his life where productive and wonderful.I wonder sometimes though, have I landed on the moon so to speak? I’m sure writers feel this way, especially if they have written a very successful book. Now what? I don’t have that touch stone reference of success but I do feel successful. I guess it depends on how you measure it.When Bob Dylan was interviewed on 60 Minutes a while ago, he talked about how his abilities have changed. When asked about his early work he said "I can still do a lot of things, but I can’t do that." I look at my images from the past and I wonder if I have done this? Am I just reworking stuff or am I still growing as an artist? I guess its like shooting a landscape. I tell my students, start shooting before the light is at its peak and shoot through to the other side. It is only then will you see the difference between the good image and the great one.If we are lucky we will all experience a long roller coaster creative life.